I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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