Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
