Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
