i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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