I accidentally had phone sex last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
