My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
