Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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