i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
