ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
