he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
