I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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