I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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