Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(218): View more from Minnesota

My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.

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(540): View more from Virginia

she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride

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(937): View more from Ohio

Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?

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(904): View more from Florida

Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada

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(425): View more from Washington

I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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(937): View more from Ohio

talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.

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(407): View more from Florida

he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Wait. How did I get engaged last night?

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