I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
