You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
