WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
