Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Vodka?
Forever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
