Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
