I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Houston, we have a blender
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
