but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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