I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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