3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
