You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
