I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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