Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up under a house in Key West
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
