I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
