All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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