I am puke
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
