It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
