i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
