its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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