saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
