How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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