I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
