I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
