his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
