What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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