Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
