so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We need to rekindle our bromance
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
