forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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