Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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