i love accidental penises.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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