thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
