Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
