woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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