he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
