Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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