I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
