I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
