why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
