What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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