You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
