three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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