Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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