My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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