i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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