I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
