Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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