I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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