what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize