Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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