Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
