I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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