moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
