my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
