so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
