one two three fourrrrnication!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
