I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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