I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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